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Film: How to Lose Your Virginity

In this documentary, filmmaker Therese Shechter uses her own path out of virginity to explore why our sex-crazed society cherishes this so-called precious gift. Along the way, we meet sex educators, virginity auctioneers, abstinence advocates, and young men and women who bare their tales of doing it — or not doing it. How to Lose Your Virginity uncovers how all the hype around virginity is basically a campaign to control and commodify women’s bodies.

Did you know that the word “virgin” comes from the Latin word “virgo” which literally means young woman?


ummm excuse me robbing banks is my kink and if you arrest me it’s kink shaming so i think you’ll find i’m free to go officer


Trans people’s needs should always trump cis people’s feelings










This is obvious, but the majority of transphobia can be traced back to cis people thinking their opinion is…

"because they are men it is vitally important to both cis and trans women that they be kept out."

So we acknowledge that males are threats to females—you’d even go so far as to say that “it is vitally important that they be kept out”

So you do acknowledge that males in female spaces are a threat, you’re just going to pretend that a female who transitions and occupies the “man” role in society is somehow a greater threat than a male who has undoubtedly been exposed to entitlement and misogynistic attitudes towards women from birth, and who has transitioned to occupy the social marker “woman”.

Funny, you agree with what we’re saying (males are threats to females and should not be allowed in female-only spaces), but try to pin the aggression and harm on the wrong people.

That’s sneaky.

1) Trans women aren’t men.

3) Yes, trans men are men and can be just as misogynist and dangerous as cis men.

3) See this essay about the exposure of trans women to misogyny and how it actually affects us. Also, how it can affect trans men.

4) Tactics 2, 3, 4. Socialization is magic, trans men/women are actually women/men, trans women are violent. Three tired radfem tropes, none of which are actually anything but invective against trans women.

5) Honestly, I think it is weird that any woman would be okay with someone in a women-only space who lives his life as a man, identifies as a man, and has male privilege just because at birth he was assigned the female sex (which if you have any intellectual honesty you should admit that birth sex assignments are actually gender assignments and part of the violence of gender), while being opposed to allowing in someone who lives her life as a woman, identifies as a woman, and does not have male privilege.

Oh boy, I am so glad the universe has dropped you in my lap.
I’ve had such a shitty day, and you’re gonna make it aaaaaall better.

So, let’s address your points.

1) Trans women are male.
If they weren’t, there’d be no need to transition. They are born male, raised male, experience male socialization, and access the privileges offered to males. The fact that they subsequently transition (and even transition doesn’t change the underlying anatomy, only the secondary sex characteristics—and unreliably, at that!), doesn’t change the preceding years.

2) That’s actually incorrect.
Trans men are born female, receive female socialization and retain said socialization subsequent to transitioning. Additionally, since you obviously don’t know shit about anything, allow me to disabuse you of the notion that trans men are as violent and dangerous as cis men.
For example, I have yet to find an example in the literature of trans men having rates of rape, assault, murder or paedophilia even on parity with cis men. Literally, none, and trust me, I have looked.
The burden of proof is on you; provide me citations or retract the claim.

3 Lovely essay. 
It even agrees with me: 

  1. That a person whose assigned sex feels ‘wrong’ to them will acquire different self-beliefs and behaviours than a person whose assigned sex feels ‘right’

  2. That as a transsexual person moves away from the sex they are assigned at birth to assert their self-identified sex, they typically apply new beliefs to themselves based on what they have learned about the sex role associated with that sex

  3. That this does not lead to identical self-beliefs and behaviour as if the person was cissexual, because people assigned different sexes at birth receive different programmes of sex role education

See? It clearly states that while trans individuals whose sex feels “wrong” will attempt to emulate the behaviours associated with the target gender, they will not have the same behaviours.

And why will they have different behaviours?

Why, because they “receive different prorammes of sex role education”.

So, let’s be frank. If you’re born and raised a boy, with all the privileges that entails, you’re not getting the same messages as those born and raised a girl will get. That means that at best, any social transitioning will be from observation, not experience.

Watching a bird fly doesn’t make you a bird, and it certainly doesn’t mean that if you jump off a building, you’ll be able to flap your arms and fly away. The essay even admits to that. Why won’t you?

Socialization is magic

No, you mean friendship is magic. Socialization is the life-long process by which individuals learn the social rules and mores of their given cultural context.
It is especially prevalent in early childhood, which is when the child is learning what is and is not appropriate behaviour, as well as how the world of adults will eventually treat them.
As stated in Zero to Three, an early-childhood site for parents:

The major difference between brain development in a child versus learning an adult is a matter of degree: the brain is far more impressionable (neuroscientists use the term plastic) in early life than in maturity

So what we learn early on is of critical importance to us later in life, and directly influences the adults we will become.

How strange, then, that the sex roles begin to be codified in early childhood.

There was a stronger tendency for both male and female adults to utilize sex-stereotyped toys when the child was introduced as a girl. Most of the findings, however, reflected a differential response of men and women to the absence of gender information. In this condition, male subjects employed a neutral toy most frequently and handled the child least; in contrast, females used more stereotyped toys and handled the child more. All subjects attempted to guess the gender of the child (with “boy” guesses more frequent, although the child was actually female) and all justified their guess on the basis of stereotyped behavioral or physical cues like strength or softness.

That’s from the Baby X study, which looked at how adults will react to a child when told it’s one gender or another (regardless of the actual sex of the child in question, hence, baby X). The study found that infants are handled differently, their parents consistently underestimate the strength of female infants, and that by toddlerhood, not only were boys being given more attention in the classroom, but that a home, chores were gender-distributed, with girls doing more than their brothers.

So until some extremely self-aware and self-actualized trans girl decides to sit a discussion out because the rest of the girls aren’t being asked to talk (and even then, choosing to opt in isn’t breaking the system, it’s shoring it up), there’s no way that a boy will understand what it’s like to be a girl (and vice versa)

trans men/women are actually women/men

Take that shit up with biology, not me. There isn’t a surgeon alive who can turn a male skeleton into a female one, just like there isn’t a geneticist who can implant mDNA into a male cell. At best, the changes are cosmetic (secondary sex changes—breasts, etc, neo-vaginas), and are subject to remission should the treatment and aftercare stop (hence why trans women must dilate their neo-vaginas frequently—otherwise, they’d close).
So, you wanna argue that point, take it up with the god of your choice, and don’t bring this magical thinking to me, because it will not fly.

trans women are violent

Oh, you say that’s a falsehood created to detract from trans women?
Huh. That’s weird.

Let’s start with the statistics, shall we? (This is my favourite part. I’m such a pedant.)

Second, regarding any crime, male-to-females had a significantly increased risk for crime compared to female controls (aHR 6.6; 95% CI 4.1–10.8) but not compared to males (aHR 0.8; 95% CI 0.5–1.2). This indicates that they retained a male pattern regarding criminality. The same was true regarding violent crime

Oh, guess that kinda killed that argument, no?

I could always bust out the anecdotal evidence to corroborate the point. I got death threats on christmas eve saying they were going to dox and murder me (how’s that workin for ya, champs?). Not ten days ago, some little shit-smear was talking about “bring me a terf’ and waving a knife around.
"Die Cis Scum" came from a Neo-Nazi carrying a baseball bat, trans activists have surrounded private residences in an attempt to intimidate radfems attending a convention…

The list goes on. Y’all act violent and entitled—which is undoubtedly a result of being socialized as males in a society that prioritizes violence and conquest as high-status pursuits.
(I have faith y’all can break the cycle, though. Even after one of your brave compatriots threatened to “fuck me with a chainsaw”.)

birth sex assignments are actually gender assignments and part of the violence of gender

Really? So someone looking down and saying “Oh, that’s a female infant” is violent? Sex isn’t violent. Sex is what chromosomes, what skeleton, what gametes and what organs you have.
Gender, the thing your team likes fucking with and transitioning through and queering—that’s the shit that’s killing women. If it weren’t for bullshit gender roles, women wouldn’t be seen as expendable and interchangeable holes.

How can radfems, who seek to break the cycle that keeps women in bondage and murdered, ever see eye to eye with a group of people who seek to reify the same system that screws us into the dirt without the decency of lube (sometimes literally, thanks much).

You want to know why we—females, women—feel safer with a trans man than a trans woman?

Easy. Because we can look at them and see kin—we can see someone who knows what it feels like to be passed over in school, bullied and harassed for being female, who survived infancy in a world gone hostile to young girls.
We can see someone who will help us, because they were us, once upon a time.

Why don’t we feel safe with a trans woman?

Maybe because trans women commit violent crimes with the same rate as men, but they’re allowed in our spaces. Maybe because some of us have received death threats and/or sexually charged harassment? Maybe because these are individuals who have no first-hand experience with growing up as girls, no idea what it feels like to have a rape schedule, or be systematically devalued educationally, financially, economically and systematically.

And maybe some of us are just lesbians who are sick to death of trans women telling us we should be down to suck their dicks.
That’s always another consideration.

So, to make a long post incrementally longer:
Your points are weak, your science (when present—which was rarely) is poor, and your question merely illustrated the depth of your ignorance. 






can we talk about how this fucking pbs show aimed at little kids easily talked about how anxiety is stressful but normal

Ok no but can we talk about this entire episode? 

It was called April 9th, and it was actually a response to the 9/11 attacks. It didn’t talk about the attacks themselves, but rather focused on teaching kids to deal with the all of the emotions that they might be feeling as a result. They set up a situation that might evoke similar emotions in children: a massive fire at the school.

Arthur’s dad was in the fire, so (as you can see above), Arthur is constantly worried about his dad’s safety.

Sue Ellen is grieving because her journal, which contained a huge amount of precious memories, was destroyed in the fire. Muffy is confused why she can’t just cheer Sue Ellen up by giving her a new journal.

Buster wasn’t at school that day, and feels confused and guilty that he isn’t sad about the fire like the other kids. He then befriends the school janitor, who has to retire due to an injury that, at his age, is pretty serious.

Binky actually saw the flames, and is constantly traumatized by the event. He doesn’t tell anyone because he feels like he would lose his tough-guy reputation if he admitted that he was scared.

The episode teaches kids that all of these emotions are perfectly normal and natural, that there’s not one right way to feel, and that even if it takes a while, things are going to be okay.

The thing that makes this show so great, in my opinion, is that it knows that kids are intellegent and strong enough to deal with these things if you present them in the right way. It doesn’t hide them, it doesn’t sugar coat them, it just presents them in a way that children can understand and shows them how to deal with them.

pretty incredible


If the point of the Big Bang Theory was to show that male nerds can be just as sexist as male jocks then well done I guess

"Radical feminists have never denied the agency of women under conditions of oppression. But radical feminists have located women’s agency, women’s making of choices, in resistance to those oppressive institutions, not in women’s assimilation to them."

- Janice G. Raymond, “Sexual and Reproductive Liberalism”. (via womentoadmire)

The post script to an email from my sister


My sister sent me a casual chatty email asking if I’d like to catch up for coffee… it was all very normal and then at the end of it she put a random and unexpected post-script that I’d like to share:

PS: I’m very upset about the crass porn industry which encourages the oppression of girls and women.  In fact, all people who defend such porn and all people who watch women being treated like fetid minced meat are REPULSIVE JERKS and a PACK of BASTARDS

I love it when women randomly explode with rage at the patriarchy <3

Hey, i've been following yo blog for a while and i think you are great. Have a wonderful Easter if you celebrate that, (though considering the construct of religion tends to be based around male heiarchy and subservient women i.e adam and eve so more along the lines of celebrating comercialized Easter) otherwise have a wonderful day off.


Thanks :)

Definitely, Easter is part and parcel of one of the main patriarchal, oppressive to women, monotheist religions… but it’s worth remembering Easter is actually only a bastardization of the original celebration of Ostara! Which is the Pagan spring equinox festival - celebrating balance, new life and rebirth, that was was named for the Goddess of fertility Ostara! (Ostara is where the rabbit, chicken and egg symbols in christianity came from - so they are full on Pagan symbols really.)

You can pick which one you want to celebrate - the patriarchal version: execution of a male anthropomorphized god who rose again 3 days later and left the earth to its misery (2000+ years ago) with a vague promise to “return one-day” … OR… the matriarchal version: celebrating earth’s annual cyclical rebirth, growth, new life, fertility, harmony and balance…!

I celebrate Ostara - Happy Ostara to you!  <3

As for the commercialization of Easter - I’m just in it for the chocolate ;)


I came across this picture and I love it. 

"I know men don’t want to give up using porn. Why should they when they know they don’t have to? It’s there, it’s often free, it does the job they want it to do, and they’ve already convinced everyone that they’re entitled to do so. Maybe because it hurts the people involved in its production, it hurts the women who have to deal with men who use it, and because it hurts the women they are in relationships with. A man who uses porn while he’s in a relationship is basically saying to his partner, “I care more about the fact that I want jerking off to be quicker and easier than I do about the fact that someone I’m jerking off to might be being raped, about the fact that it hurts you and damages your self esteem and security in our relationship, about the fact that it is detrimental to our sex life.”"


(via radicalfeministuprising)

And if we know the vast majority of men won’t willingly give up pornography, how does that affect our strategies to abolish it? (via gendertreason)

yesyesyesyesyes this is exactly what i was trying to put into words the other day!

Penises are for urinating and supplying sperm for reproduction, doesn't mean we urinate and fuck in public .. why should breast feeding be okay? fucking typical one sided feminist


Does your penis provide sustenance for another person? No. Can you show your nipples in public if you want to? Yes. Also, breasts are not genitals or sex organs. Only 13 out of 190 cultures world wide consider them to be sexual or even private parts. Don’t even act like this is a feminist thing. This is a babies-have-the-right-to-eat thing.



More girls were killed in the last 50 years, precisely because they were girls, than men killed in all the wars in the 20th century. More girls are killed in this routine gendercide in any one decade than people were slaughtered in all the genocides of the 20th century.

The equivalent of 5 jumbo jets worth of women die in labor each day… life time risk of maternal death is 1,000x higher in a poor country than in the west. That should be an international scandal.